Sons are like stars in a mother's eyes. They are the most pampered souls in the universe. There are several dreams in a mother's heart, when her son hits manhood. The first wish is to see his wife and kids.A mother always imagines, how her daughter in law should be and what should be her criteria, when choosing thee perfect bahu rani.And the dream turns into a nightmare when her Darling son informs her that he is head over heels in love with some chick.
This article is dedicated to all the would-be bahu's who are not their in-laws choice.
When a girl gets married, she gets a full package...she is lucky if she gets the guy alone but in the desi world the trend of joint family is very much in common.Getting married is beautiful but it turns topsy-turvy when in laws meddle. So, all the girls who have boyfriends and intend to marry them, must follow a set of rules, to have a perfect undisturbed life.
First thing comes first, FIRST IMPRESSION. Always remember when meeting your going to be mother in-law for the first time the trick is to SHUTUP, and just smile. Avoid opening your mouth a lot, act dumb and confused. she will love you for this attitude, as this brings an idea that you will be under her for the rest of your life.
Never be over dressed, when meeting your going to be in law for the first time nor be under dressed. Dress up according to the place or occasion. Taking dupatta on the head by those girls who don’t observe hijab is a big NO NO, as mom in-law can or will complain later that she liked the girl with dupatta. Avoid wearing flashy colors or revealing clothes. Wear desi full sleeved shalwar qameez, where qameez falling till the knees will do the job. Half tied hair and very reasonable gold jewellery will do. Wear gold as it may give and idea of you being well off but don’t over do it, as it may reflect that you are quite rich and this can cause troubles.
Take your darling sister in law in confidence. Gifts, not ordinary ones but nice ones can work wonders. Consider it to be an investment as later on she can make or ruin your life. Avoid interfering in her personal life and never let her get the "I am going out with your brother" image. Act as a friend. If she has kids, gifts again will play the game.
Be careful with brothers in law. To be frank, they are no threat but for your guys sake, if your brother in law is younger than you or is married, then all jokes are valid, but if older and not married then take care. Remembering birthdays will do. Or even calling them when sick...dont joke around a lot as it may give an idea of you being too free with guys. And trust me boyfriends or future husbands, well all the men have this bug in them called jealousy. They will never appreciate you being too friendly with their bothers aswell.
Fathers in law are of two types, very sweet ones, who actually consider you their daughter. And ones are those who act as if you are like their daughters, but when time comes they will forget you. So it is important to analyze what his nature is?? If he is against his son who wants to get married to some girl he likes, means he comes in the later types of susar's. The first encounter with susar will be when things get confirmed, but till then he is a threat and you have to do a lot of work after getting married, but until then consider him a s a sleeping villain whom you are supposed to work on later.
Keeping quiet before and after getting married is healthy. This may help in maintaining an affirmative image. Never give unnecessary advice or act smart. Being in constant contact will keep you more informed about the nature of would be relatives. Doing their work or helping them with stuff will also help.
Love is an amazing feeling and more amazing when two souls are supposed to be together for the rest of the life. But remember every thing in life comes with a price tag, nothing is free. So playing smart and acting dumb is one good advice to all the girl friends out there. Be patient and take your darling would be husband in confidence, as it may help you to have a healthy married life.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Lucky Friday
Fridays are always lucky, well that's what I had in my mind. After completing Hajj, we went in this to Masjid-e- Haram for Aitaqaf. This was our second day Masjid.After a full night of ibadat and chit chat, I went to sleep after offering my morning prayers
.I got up at 12:15 in the morning and That's when my misery began.
It all started between Friday khutba. I realized that I desperately needed to use the loo. I cursed my self for drinking too much water last night. After changing my position, 10 times in 5 seconds, I finally decided to leave the Masjid and go out side to use the bathroom. My friends had warned me about the crowd but me and my stupid wonder woman imagination, thought I would be able to cross 10 to 20 thousand namazi's within no time. I left the first I floor starting from Bab-e-Umrah. The rush was extreme as it was the first Friday after Hajj. I crossed the crowd by jumping on men, toppling over ladies and getting immense weird looks asking "Are You Nutts?". But what can a person do when nature calls??
It took me 10 minutes to cross one section of people but by that time I realized that the khutba was almost over and prayers were going to start. I still had to cross rows of people who were sitting and listening to the khutba. I decided to sit some where till the khutba ends. I found a corner where I could sit and wait for the people to stand up for prayers. I found a place on a woman's prayer mat and sat there and started listening to her nagging while my bladder was ready to explode. She thought that I was going to take her precious place of prayers which she was guarding since long.When the Azaan started, all the women pushed me out, considering me as a threat to their space. Obviously why would they tolerate a woman coming from no where to take over their prayer territory?? Luckily I got some space on the stairs. A poor Turkish woman made me share her prayer mat.
After the prayers finished and the namazi's started to leave, the Masjid started getting vacant and I was glad that finally my destination would now be reachable. Alas my hardship was coming to an end, till fate knocks on my door again, making me realize that I don’t have my shoes on. I had left them on the first floor. That was what I needed……sitting on a stair case, where my bladder was about to give up and I had no shoes on. Going up to get the shoes would take good 20 minutes. People were coming out as if escaping from the prison and people like giant Tarzan type Sudanese and Nigerians, one push from them and what else can I say..... I was already in a crucial situation. Finally I made up my mind that I would go to the bathroom without my shoes and in the end, I would wash my feet from the water bottle, which I had in my purse. I still couldnt believe that I didn't forget my purse, which wasn't of any use in the bathroom but I forgot my shoes.
Atlast, I finally got near the bathroom. It was still a good 5 minutes walk, but the thought of entering public toilet, bare feet, did give my screaming bladder some alibi to stop pouncing. The bathroom was opposite Bab-e-Quods. I took off my socks and entered the wet filthy bathroom, with mud prints all around. I was standing near a cubical already occupied and 2 more ladies were standing and waiting before me. Thank god they got over fast, but before the last lady came out, she coughed and took out green goo from her mouth and threw it there. At that moment, I was confused whether to laugh my head out or cry my self to death. I had to use the same cubical with bare feet and with green slimy stuff on the floor, but I had no other choice.
Peace atlast. I came out and went near the taps, where the ladies were doing wazoo and fighting for space like crazy jungle women. I stood there and waited for few mins and then decided to get my hands washed and wash my feet out side the bathroom from the water bottle. I stepped out with a brave heart and started looking in my purse for the water bottle and felt like drowning my self in the Indian commode because……. I think it is obvious by now to everyone that there was no water bottle. I had no guts to get inside the bathroom again. So I decided to request a lady with an empty water bottle, to bring some water for me when she comes out. I had to make a MISQEEEEN face, to make her accept. And finally I washed my feet with the water she brought.
At last I reached my destination i-e the first floor. I prayed first, then went to look at the Kaaba. It was soooo beautiful. I forgot everything. I prayed smilingly to god, to make me less clumsy and more organized.
Fridays are lucky, especially those fridays when you get to look at the Kaaba as much as u want.It was a very interesting journey to the toilet and quite an interesting series of unfortunate events. But one look towards the house of God and all the unfortunate becomes fortunate.
And guess what……..
I feel like going to the loo again.
.I got up at 12:15 in the morning and That's when my misery began.
It all started between Friday khutba. I realized that I desperately needed to use the loo. I cursed my self for drinking too much water last night. After changing my position, 10 times in 5 seconds, I finally decided to leave the Masjid and go out side to use the bathroom. My friends had warned me about the crowd but me and my stupid wonder woman imagination, thought I would be able to cross 10 to 20 thousand namazi's within no time. I left the first I floor starting from Bab-e-Umrah. The rush was extreme as it was the first Friday after Hajj. I crossed the crowd by jumping on men, toppling over ladies and getting immense weird looks asking "Are You Nutts?". But what can a person do when nature calls??
It took me 10 minutes to cross one section of people but by that time I realized that the khutba was almost over and prayers were going to start. I still had to cross rows of people who were sitting and listening to the khutba. I decided to sit some where till the khutba ends. I found a corner where I could sit and wait for the people to stand up for prayers. I found a place on a woman's prayer mat and sat there and started listening to her nagging while my bladder was ready to explode. She thought that I was going to take her precious place of prayers which she was guarding since long.When the Azaan started, all the women pushed me out, considering me as a threat to their space. Obviously why would they tolerate a woman coming from no where to take over their prayer territory?? Luckily I got some space on the stairs. A poor Turkish woman made me share her prayer mat.
After the prayers finished and the namazi's started to leave, the Masjid started getting vacant and I was glad that finally my destination would now be reachable. Alas my hardship was coming to an end, till fate knocks on my door again, making me realize that I don’t have my shoes on. I had left them on the first floor. That was what I needed……sitting on a stair case, where my bladder was about to give up and I had no shoes on. Going up to get the shoes would take good 20 minutes. People were coming out as if escaping from the prison and people like giant Tarzan type Sudanese and Nigerians, one push from them and what else can I say..... I was already in a crucial situation. Finally I made up my mind that I would go to the bathroom without my shoes and in the end, I would wash my feet from the water bottle, which I had in my purse. I still couldnt believe that I didn't forget my purse, which wasn't of any use in the bathroom but I forgot my shoes.
Atlast, I finally got near the bathroom. It was still a good 5 minutes walk, but the thought of entering public toilet, bare feet, did give my screaming bladder some alibi to stop pouncing. The bathroom was opposite Bab-e-Quods. I took off my socks and entered the wet filthy bathroom, with mud prints all around. I was standing near a cubical already occupied and 2 more ladies were standing and waiting before me. Thank god they got over fast, but before the last lady came out, she coughed and took out green goo from her mouth and threw it there. At that moment, I was confused whether to laugh my head out or cry my self to death. I had to use the same cubical with bare feet and with green slimy stuff on the floor, but I had no other choice.
Peace atlast. I came out and went near the taps, where the ladies were doing wazoo and fighting for space like crazy jungle women. I stood there and waited for few mins and then decided to get my hands washed and wash my feet out side the bathroom from the water bottle. I stepped out with a brave heart and started looking in my purse for the water bottle and felt like drowning my self in the Indian commode because……. I think it is obvious by now to everyone that there was no water bottle. I had no guts to get inside the bathroom again. So I decided to request a lady with an empty water bottle, to bring some water for me when she comes out. I had to make a MISQEEEEN face, to make her accept. And finally I washed my feet with the water she brought.
At last I reached my destination i-e the first floor. I prayed first, then went to look at the Kaaba. It was soooo beautiful. I forgot everything. I prayed smilingly to god, to make me less clumsy and more organized.
Fridays are lucky, especially those fridays when you get to look at the Kaaba as much as u want.It was a very interesting journey to the toilet and quite an interesting series of unfortunate events. But one look towards the house of God and all the unfortunate becomes fortunate.
And guess what……..
I feel like going to the loo again.
Desi Infertility Combat
It all started in a crowded wedding and our entry was no less than a movie. Here the heroine was my little sister with a belly bump and I was playing the role of a victim of fates. The goons were all the aunties who had nothing to do but to meddle in others personal business and the movie begin.
First mental attack was from an eighty year old too old to walk aunty..."Tum neh kissi doctor sey check up kar waya. (Did u get your check up done by any doctor?)" Like Duhh~~~ as if I was dancing around since last three years..."Je maji karwaya hay bass app Allah sey dua karain (yes I have you pray to god)" and I escaped. Peace
Moving further there I met my darling chachi (Aunty) and at that point only I understood that one more bomb will be thrown my way...and after hi hellos here comes the bombardment" My daughter's sister in law also doesn’t have children but she is also ok with it". Strike one. "Jis key naseeb main jo ho." Strike two."I can give you her number if u want." Strike three."O Aunty Allah Rehman ur Raheem whatever is written will happen, by the way how is your daughter? Is she still saying no to all proposals (Strike one) I heard she likes "Ali" Aunty Zainab's son, (Strike two) I think aunty u should respect your daughters feelings, so what the guy is not educated or rich enough (Strike three…and madam you are out)
Second encounter was with my mother in law's friend " Beta I feel so sorry for you when ever I look at you. I pray that u get pregnant soon (and here it comes) By the way I know this baba (Oh God! Wake up and feel the twentieth century... woman).His nuskhay can work wonders on you as no medicine till now has (ouch).Wasay what did the doctor say about you?"……." Aray aunty I will for sure have kids you don’t worry just pray for me...by the way (here I go) Can you tell me about the divorce lawyer your daughter is consulting...Woh kya hay na my friend is having problems with her husband……..(look what happens when you mess with me)
Another aunty was talking to my mother in law saying "Your bare bahu (older daughter in law) has jinn ka saaya (ghost) on her, keep her away from your choti bahu (younger daughter in law) or else she will also not have kids...(oh dear dear god I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…khair rescue was my main mission)…"Khala your daughter is a widow but that doesn’t mean that she should be kept away from your other daughters as their husbands may also die…." Clean bold….
Later another encounter "How do you feel when your younger sister who got married two years after you is about to have a baby first? (A million dollar question I must say...well to be honest I feel like drowning myself in a public toilet but I instead) I said "I am very happy for her mashallah sey; after all she is my sister."And now it was my turn to attack " How is your daughter Sara? Did she lose any weight? I know this gym which works magic, its bit expensive but worth. By the way this is an internal news that my chachi is considering your younger daughter henna for her son, so don’t say no as no idea when Sara will get married and it is better that your younger daughter gets engaged soon as no idea when Sara will………." The God of Evil was smiling upon me.
Later I went to talk to my friend as she must be having an idea what I might be going through and expectedly unexpected happen " You know if you want to conceive you should make love with passion" (HELLOOO…..she has a 2 year old and a nine month old and another one is on the way, which gives me an idea about how passionate her love making is.)
What I don’t understand is why do people forget their own problems and meddle in some other person's issues. Infertility sucks big time and constant nagging by other people makes it more horrible. People don’t get it that this is a part of life, you can't get everything you want. Stop targeting women who don’t have children by unnecessary questions and unwanted advice as people themselves have daughters also and……. Getting my point.
People have children to extend the generation of their four fathers and also for the betterment of their old age so that they are not left alone. But again daughters get married and in most cases sons shift abroad with their family or they live in a separate house and what are the chances of grandchildren as it depends on God. So next time before questioning infertile women think first.
So all you infertile babes out their just chill, we will have kids some day. May be god thinks we are still not prepared for one or he has something more well in his mind which we are not aware of. The trick is to relax and be patient and let things go smooth till then we can enjoy and make the most of our lives and have fun.
Honey I love you but I need a Break
'Why don’t you ever try using your head? Am I supposed to tell you everything? What is the matter with you?' and the day begins.
I am sure several women are victims of emotional torture by their husbands; I never understood why I am not able to think like him? Why am I so careless and disorganized? Is it genes or is it natural? When my husband declares me Dumb I actually get dumb and dumber.
Most people lose their capacity to think when constantly told that they don’t use their brains and the thing between the ears (if any) is decaying. Having a husband who is loving and caring has never actually let me grow. I was 18 when I got married and a total spoilt brat. I was at the age where boys were cool and having an affair was the coolest thing in the entire universe, till fates played the game and I was married to a person 8 years older than me . If I would have been at a decent age when getting married life would have been different .But since the day I stepped in to my married life I was constantly told to do everything which was the main factor that I was never in control of what was happening. My husband always took me as an immature clumsy girl who is supposed to be guided on every point, every minuet and every detail and after four years of marriage, I am still the same.
I was more of a puppet and 'sorry 'word has actually taken over my life, bending my head on every compromise was an unwritten rule I had no right to even move his clothes as was too scared of his temper or may be too scared of him getting angry. Maybe this is how life is supposed to be. IS IT?
No it is not and I am through i.e. have not married him to tolerate his crap and why should I listen. My rebellious nature is back after god knows how long. The most interesting thing is how I opened my eyes. That is when I saw my brother in law obeying his wife over everything. She was like an instructor and he was a student. But my eyes were still not open till I had to compromise over her. And that was the breaking point.
There is a hidden mystery of marital bond which I will declare, so all u men out there who are confused and feel trapped and are not able to solve the puzzle that how their wives get away with what they want and make them do what they want this one is for you all. The rules which are used by all bitchy wives are
1. Head strong
2. NO compromise
3. Emotional black mail
4. Politics.
These rules worked magic for me. No seriously they did. The fact my darling husband was getting his way was that I showed him that I am week .I was ready to bend my head over everything and he started to sit on my head. Now the first thing I did was to lay all the rules straight and by keeping my foot down I deliver him a message that 'Sweet heart I love you but those days are over when u treated me like a door mat.' And the game begins.
First thing comes first. I had to change our life style and had to reflect the idea that I am not taking your Crap, Using all the rules in a calculative and constructive way, I started getting my way and got my life back on track as I was taking control over matters. That did make me feel confident and after four years I feel a change in me and I realize that I have a tongue and d a right to speak. And to look at and get my comforts. Taking control was no less than a war for me which did strike my husband.
Tongue if used calculative can work wonders, sometimes smile and cute words are used to get work done or sometimes rough language works. But sweetness is still affirmed and can escalade the speed of work done. Tears and words like 'you don’t care' are cherries on top of a beautiful cake.
Men are confused species, if given control. They can ruin you. No wonder it's said that behind every successful man there is a woman. There are so many ways to manipulate men as their brains stop working when their wives don’t talk or cry or refuse to eat.
After using all the methods of evil I am in a better state of life. Life is smooth, still need to work on many things but taking one step at a time will be more appreciated.
Spoiling husband is another evil trick and is another form of weapon of mass emotional destruction because at any time wives can make husbands realize what they go through every day and how they get washed and ironed clothes every morning.
The reason women want to get their son's married to a young girl is clear that young girls are not matured to take control, but what they don’t know is girls will become women one day.
An apology to all the women out their whose secrets are revealed by me as I broke the most divine law of sisterhood by leaking this confidential knowledge, but on the other hand congratulations to all the men as finally they are able to see clearly after the dust settle, and ready to get into the battle field using their ultra super powers.
I am sure several women are victims of emotional torture by their husbands; I never understood why I am not able to think like him? Why am I so careless and disorganized? Is it genes or is it natural? When my husband declares me Dumb I actually get dumb and dumber.
Most people lose their capacity to think when constantly told that they don’t use their brains and the thing between the ears (if any) is decaying. Having a husband who is loving and caring has never actually let me grow. I was 18 when I got married and a total spoilt brat. I was at the age where boys were cool and having an affair was the coolest thing in the entire universe, till fates played the game and I was married to a person 8 years older than me . If I would have been at a decent age when getting married life would have been different .But since the day I stepped in to my married life I was constantly told to do everything which was the main factor that I was never in control of what was happening. My husband always took me as an immature clumsy girl who is supposed to be guided on every point, every minuet and every detail and after four years of marriage, I am still the same.
I was more of a puppet and 'sorry 'word has actually taken over my life, bending my head on every compromise was an unwritten rule I had no right to even move his clothes as was too scared of his temper or may be too scared of him getting angry. Maybe this is how life is supposed to be. IS IT?
No it is not and I am through i.e. have not married him to tolerate his crap and why should I listen. My rebellious nature is back after god knows how long. The most interesting thing is how I opened my eyes. That is when I saw my brother in law obeying his wife over everything. She was like an instructor and he was a student. But my eyes were still not open till I had to compromise over her. And that was the breaking point.
There is a hidden mystery of marital bond which I will declare, so all u men out there who are confused and feel trapped and are not able to solve the puzzle that how their wives get away with what they want and make them do what they want this one is for you all. The rules which are used by all bitchy wives are
1. Head strong
2. NO compromise
3. Emotional black mail
4. Politics.
These rules worked magic for me. No seriously they did. The fact my darling husband was getting his way was that I showed him that I am week .I was ready to bend my head over everything and he started to sit on my head. Now the first thing I did was to lay all the rules straight and by keeping my foot down I deliver him a message that 'Sweet heart I love you but those days are over when u treated me like a door mat.' And the game begins.
First thing comes first. I had to change our life style and had to reflect the idea that I am not taking your Crap, Using all the rules in a calculative and constructive way, I started getting my way and got my life back on track as I was taking control over matters. That did make me feel confident and after four years I feel a change in me and I realize that I have a tongue and d a right to speak. And to look at and get my comforts. Taking control was no less than a war for me which did strike my husband.
Tongue if used calculative can work wonders, sometimes smile and cute words are used to get work done or sometimes rough language works. But sweetness is still affirmed and can escalade the speed of work done. Tears and words like 'you don’t care' are cherries on top of a beautiful cake.
Men are confused species, if given control. They can ruin you. No wonder it's said that behind every successful man there is a woman. There are so many ways to manipulate men as their brains stop working when their wives don’t talk or cry or refuse to eat.
After using all the methods of evil I am in a better state of life. Life is smooth, still need to work on many things but taking one step at a time will be more appreciated.
Spoiling husband is another evil trick and is another form of weapon of mass emotional destruction because at any time wives can make husbands realize what they go through every day and how they get washed and ironed clothes every morning.
The reason women want to get their son's married to a young girl is clear that young girls are not matured to take control, but what they don’t know is girls will become women one day.
An apology to all the women out their whose secrets are revealed by me as I broke the most divine law of sisterhood by leaking this confidential knowledge, but on the other hand congratulations to all the men as finally they are able to see clearly after the dust settle, and ready to get into the battle field using their ultra super powers.
Darling kill them…kill them all.
"Darling tumhain hamaray pyar ki qasam kill each and every one of them, these buggers have changed my life into constant terror and every second of my time spent in the kitchen they constantly give me frights one after another. I hate them"
I think it is quite obvious by now that I am telling my husband to kill the goons present in my kitchen and the goons are none other then Cockroaches, It all started when I was five and my stupid but smart brother recognized my weakness of being terrified by roaches and since then I have this roach phobia. I hate cockroaches, the color the size the creepiness and the horror combine together to form perfect little phobia but accidental addition of an extra ingredient to the concoction "Quantity" thus the roachophobia was born using its ultra super powers to scare house wives and all the souls around them.
Ok Ok I am watching too much of power puff girls…..coming back to the topic…Roaches…or should I say a house wife's nightmare. Imagine a spotless kitchen with shiny tiles sparkling in the open until suddenly a drop of juice fells on the floor and u don’t notice and go away. A moment later you come back and several black creatures are surrounded by the tiny drop who I am sure is screaming "Save me Save me". And the next thing you do is to go near them to stomp them but the bloody buggers get away and hide in the places you cant get your hands on.
I classify roaches into three different categories
· Big ones with wings
· Big ones without wings
· Tiny twits
Starting from the worst types, "The big ones with wings," this is the only sort which my husband is also scared of, Ok he is not scared scared ,its just that when it appears from no where and surprises, trust me it’s a shock for him but for me its no less then a heart attack, and my screams are deafening and to regain my senses back it takes time. I mean come on yaar they are too big and they fly, it's like Jurassic Park, they can attack any time. This type of species are responsible for major cause of terror among women (excluding the brave ones)
So all you dudes out there who want to charm their chick, kill a flying roach for her and she will be all yours (the poor bastard had to be sacrificed for the sake of love) or kindly take your girlfriend to a clean place…
Ok jokes apart, where were we.. Oh yes, first type
Well, They are very hard to murder (easier then the third type) as when attacking with a slipper or bug spray .They fly away giving terror shocks to the going to be murderers, but on the other hand as they are big there whereabouts can easily be identified and if chapaal is no good bug sparay can do the work
Second type is "Big ones without wings" they are the most scary creatures in the world (less then first) and I am sure if they ever look at them selves in the mirror they will be scared to death. Wasay how cool will that be, I mean to kill cockroaches people will keep mirrors every where…..khair enough jokes already ,these types are good at scaring like the first kind, they exists in bathrooms and are usually responsible for waking up my husband in the middle of the night.. NO NO not by the appearance of roaches in the poor guy's dreams but from my screaming as I always use the loo late night, and consider when you are half in your sleep and after bumping into ten things before reaching the bathroom lights, and after turning them on, your eyes and voice are in full blossom. And there comes my knight and shining armor or my hero protecting me against the evil.
The last but not the least "Tiny Twits" or the little small ones whom Urstruly is not scared of .OK I am lying. I am scared of them but not to that extend from the above two. The above two can easily be murdered by one bang of slipper (no doubt the slipper will be all covered with roach goo) but these good for nothing twits are so fast that your slippers will get ruined but these buggers won't get squished easily.
This kind is mainly found in kitchen and to kill them is almost impossible, They increase very fast and since they are tiny creatures they can make their homes any where. Stomping, Squishing, Bug bomb, trust me nothing works unless you fumigate your house.
Why did God created cockroaches and even if he did why did he made them live in houses where people are scared of them, or if he was making our home their home, why didn’t he made them pretty. I mean why didn’t God made roaches look like butterflies. It would have been so cool. Then people would be happy to have them in their houses. Aur wasay bhe who would mind having colorful creatures in their home.
I think it is quite obvious by now that I am telling my husband to kill the goons present in my kitchen and the goons are none other then Cockroaches, It all started when I was five and my stupid but smart brother recognized my weakness of being terrified by roaches and since then I have this roach phobia. I hate cockroaches, the color the size the creepiness and the horror combine together to form perfect little phobia but accidental addition of an extra ingredient to the concoction "Quantity" thus the roachophobia was born using its ultra super powers to scare house wives and all the souls around them.
Ok Ok I am watching too much of power puff girls…..coming back to the topic…Roaches…or should I say a house wife's nightmare. Imagine a spotless kitchen with shiny tiles sparkling in the open until suddenly a drop of juice fells on the floor and u don’t notice and go away. A moment later you come back and several black creatures are surrounded by the tiny drop who I am sure is screaming "Save me Save me". And the next thing you do is to go near them to stomp them but the bloody buggers get away and hide in the places you cant get your hands on.
I classify roaches into three different categories
· Big ones with wings
· Big ones without wings
· Tiny twits
Starting from the worst types, "The big ones with wings," this is the only sort which my husband is also scared of, Ok he is not scared scared ,its just that when it appears from no where and surprises, trust me it’s a shock for him but for me its no less then a heart attack, and my screams are deafening and to regain my senses back it takes time. I mean come on yaar they are too big and they fly, it's like Jurassic Park, they can attack any time. This type of species are responsible for major cause of terror among women (excluding the brave ones)
So all you dudes out there who want to charm their chick, kill a flying roach for her and she will be all yours (the poor bastard had to be sacrificed for the sake of love) or kindly take your girlfriend to a clean place…
Ok jokes apart, where were we.. Oh yes, first type
Well, They are very hard to murder (easier then the third type) as when attacking with a slipper or bug spray .They fly away giving terror shocks to the going to be murderers, but on the other hand as they are big there whereabouts can easily be identified and if chapaal is no good bug sparay can do the work
Second type is "Big ones without wings" they are the most scary creatures in the world (less then first) and I am sure if they ever look at them selves in the mirror they will be scared to death. Wasay how cool will that be, I mean to kill cockroaches people will keep mirrors every where…..khair enough jokes already ,these types are good at scaring like the first kind, they exists in bathrooms and are usually responsible for waking up my husband in the middle of the night.. NO NO not by the appearance of roaches in the poor guy's dreams but from my screaming as I always use the loo late night, and consider when you are half in your sleep and after bumping into ten things before reaching the bathroom lights, and after turning them on, your eyes and voice are in full blossom. And there comes my knight and shining armor or my hero protecting me against the evil.
The last but not the least "Tiny Twits" or the little small ones whom Urstruly is not scared of .OK I am lying. I am scared of them but not to that extend from the above two. The above two can easily be murdered by one bang of slipper (no doubt the slipper will be all covered with roach goo) but these good for nothing twits are so fast that your slippers will get ruined but these buggers won't get squished easily.
This kind is mainly found in kitchen and to kill them is almost impossible, They increase very fast and since they are tiny creatures they can make their homes any where. Stomping, Squishing, Bug bomb, trust me nothing works unless you fumigate your house.
Why did God created cockroaches and even if he did why did he made them live in houses where people are scared of them, or if he was making our home their home, why didn’t he made them pretty. I mean why didn’t God made roaches look like butterflies. It would have been so cool. Then people would be happy to have them in their houses. Aur wasay bhe who would mind having colorful creatures in their home.
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